I know that life is not all hearts and flowers and giant pots of cash (at least not all the time) :) BUT when you don’t have those things in abundance, don’t think that they don’t exist or that there’s a limited amount of happiness and success and you need to hunt down your share of it.
There’s enough of what you want waiting for you—the trick is not to be sooo desperate for it you get depressed.
Yes, this is going to be a tad Woo-Woo, so look away now if the idea of me talking about energy and vibration and being in the zone is going to freak you out (although be prepared to stay exactly where you are if you do stop reading now).
If you’ve ever had a time in your life where you’ve been single and not wanted to be (and to be honest, it was 100 years ago for me but I have vivid memories!), then you might have noticed that the more you looked for love, the less likely you found it. The days you spent planning the perfect night out, the less likely it was you’d meet someone wonderful. Perhaps it was just me but usually when I’d put in the least effort—think going to the supermarket in my scruffy jeans and stopping off for a sneaky pint at the pub, or while out with workmates just having a laugh (and probably hungover from the night before!) I’d have the most fun, meet the most interesting people, and even meet a nice young man on occasion (again, a reminder this was a long time ago when I was also young). Happened to me all the time. It was almost a reverse effect of less effort = more fun. Or should that be less expectations?
When you become very attached to an outcome (e.g. I MUST meet someone at this dinner/club) you give off ‘desperate vibes’. Much as you think you’re giving off “Ohh, I am so sexy and confident and funny, etc.” vibes, there is an undercurrent of “Pick me, pick me”. To prove this theory, it’s also been my experience that the minute I did meet someone, other guys would show up and be interested too. And that’s because I’d stopped with the desperation. It’s NOT a good look.
And you can cover it up with fancy clothes (or websites, or Facebook fakery, or shiny marketing), BUT if you’re desperate we’ll smell it.
It’s really important that you are always committed to an outcome, BUT never be attached to that being a “Yes”. Same in love and business—you want an answer (yes or no only—there is no maybe). When you have an answer, everything is clear. And you need to be okay with whatever the answer is. Yes OR No is a good outcome, because then you know for sure.
Again (not wishing to dredge up my early 20s, but…) when it comes to a relationship that’s a little one-sided it’s never going to work. You can relentlessly pursue someone (or lust after them from afar!), but if they are not interested in you they’re not interested. It’s a no. Move on. Keep looking. Or rather just keep having fun, having conversations, and being yourself and the right person will show up. Same with customers.
If you do your Thing, stay in your zone, go with your flow—don’t overthink it, don’t dress it up to be something it’s not—show up as you… enjoying who you are and what you do, the right people will show up. Then all you have to do is ask them if they want to join you. If it’s a yes—great news; if it’s a no—great news… the only difference is that with a yes, you get paid.
Being desperate is never a good look (and it will never get you what you want)—be you, do your Thing, and hold out for true love. Or your best friend’s work-mate (that one worked for me) :)
Want to talk more about this?